Master of the skies

Picture by James Rainsford

I am a master of the skies

No earthly chains me ever binds

A place to rest my heart that finds

I lay my feet and close my eyes


A flying bird of paradise

Has no care if anyone minds

For he's the master of the skies

No earthly chains him ever binds


A statue honors he who dies

But honors not the fly bird blinds

Too high his skies for the mankinds'

Lowly ways he deaf to their cries

For he's the master of the skies

Same Poetry Form: Vacations

This is published as an attempt at a French poetry form called Rondel. To know more about Rondels, check out here. The poem is also posted for the picture prompt challenge at the same site

21 comments:

Aquarius63 said...

Very good and with the picture prompt too. Well done.

Anita

Nanka said...

I nearly mistook it for a Roundel, my confusion!!
A rhyme scheme of ABba abAB abbaA, is that right!! I could not load the link you have provided!!
A beautiful Rondel ~ form of French poetry!! You have done it so well and seems near perfect to me :)

repressedsoul said...

Great that you wound it into the prompt! I have no clue if this Rondel is correct but I enjoyed the read x

The Fool said...

Thanks a lot for your comments, Aquarius, Nanka and repressedsoul.

@Nanka - Yes rhyme scheme is ABba abAB abbaA,with iambic tetrameter. I am not sure about iambic but tetrameter I managed. Glad a distinguished poet like you found my poem perfect.

Claudia said...

heya - nice to meet you and thanks for linking up with us..and wow - covering two challenges in one poem...cool - you've done well and made it almost all the way down iambic tetrameter
the only lines i stumbled a bit were:

Has not a care if anyone minds (9 syllables - maybe you can make it no one and then it fits)

and

Petty ways he deaf to their cries (PET_ty is trochaic and interrupts the flow)

those are just suggestions - you did a great job - and rondels don't have to be iambic - it's nice when they are though and yours flows very smoothly - think you could make it easily iambic - you got the skills- very well done

The Fool said...

Thanks a lot for visiting my blog and giving detailed feedback, Claudia. I have taken your suggestions and made necessary changes. Hope to catch up with you people on a regular basis and learn about various interesting poem forms.

Semaphore said...

Nice work linking up the rondel and picture challenge. As you noted, tetrameter works fine here, but just a little editing should bring out the iambic.

A couple of tricks that I use: I sometimes write out the whole poem in sentences - as opposed to lines and stanzas - to make sure that the grammar works well. Also, I scan for consistency of point-of-view - to make sure the perspective is always from one of your characters (the bird, the statue, or omniscient); unless the shift is intended. This enables the reader to identify with the primary point-of-view quickly.

All in all, a creditable effort. Thanks!

Shewriting said...

I like the topic, master of the skies. wrote my first rondel today as well.

The Fool said...

Thanks a lot for your feedback, Semaphore. I find it very tough to get the iambic right. Maybe I will try during the weekend. I am still new to poetry. I effectively started writing poetries only this month. Your tips are useful. I will try to use them from now on. But do poems always have to have grammar? And regarding pints of view, I wanted to maintain the bird's point of view. But I used 'he' in the second and third stanzas to show pride - referring to self in third person.

The Fool said...

Thanks a lot for your comments, She Writing. Shall check out your rondel.

vhjamdar said...

very nice.
Your poetry getting better day by day.
All the best.

The Fool said...

Thanks vhjamdar. Glad you like it.

Girl with a red bag said...

I liked the second para the most...Its awesome. keep writing.

The Fool said...

Thanks Girl with a red bad.

Girl with a red bag said...

I liked the second para the most...Its awesome. keep writing.

Aquarius63 said...

Very good and with the picture prompt too. Well done.

Anita

Semaphore said...

Nice work linking up the rondel and picture challenge. As you noted, tetrameter works fine here, but just a little editing should bring out the iambic.

A couple of tricks that I use: I sometimes write out the whole poem in sentences - as opposed to lines and stanzas - to make sure that the grammar works well. Also, I scan for consistency of point-of-view - to make sure the perspective is always from one of your characters (the bird, the statue, or omniscient); unless the shift is intended. This enables the reader to identify with the primary point-of-view quickly.

All in all, a creditable effort. Thanks!

Aravind R Sankar said...

Amazing effort borne fruit in the form of a rondel.

The Fool said...

Thanks a lot, Aravind. Nice to see someone commenting on my poem after such a long time. Seems like my re modelling the blog layout did help.

Aravind R Sankar said...

It mustve taken a lot of time to construct such verses carefully. How did you manage understanding such terms and its usgae? :)

The Fool said...

@Aravind - Spending time seems pleasurable when you love doing it. I like to construct my poem piece by piece like a craftsman and not just let flow and write.

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