Love & Indian Society

Love has been a four lettered word in conservative Indian households for more reasons than just the actual letter count. But that was 30 years back. Things have been changing rapidly with the onset of globalization. But India is a complex multi layered society with the changes penetrating at varied extent at different strata levels in an already highly heterogeneous society. This land has a unique heritage of Kamastutra, Buddha’s ideals of celibacy and monasticism, Islamic ideals of protecting the women’s modesty and the Victorian hypocrisy. So it would really not be fair to present a single unified view point as Indian society’s attitude towards love. Nor would the limited space afforded by a blog offer sufficient space to do full justice to the various facets. So what I would attempt is to present how a typical conformist individual from a conservative middle class family would find love. I have tried to use the medium of English nursery rhymes to portray the same to keep the narrative a bit lively.

Let us start where it all begins: when the parents feel their children have reached marriageable age.

Little Jack Horner
Sat in the corner,
Eating a Christmas pie;
He put in his thumb,
And pulled out a plum,
And said 'What a good boy am I”

At this stage, the boy and girls are rather naïve and obedient. Or at least the parents expect them to be so. At this point, the process begins. The parents approach a matchmaker.

Match maker, Match Maker, where have you been?
I've been down to Chennai to visit the girls’ dad keen.
Match maker, Match Maker, what did you there?
I frightened a little girl, under her chair


Once the match maker finds a match, the parents of the boy and the girl interact.

Bah, Bah a black Sheep,
Have you any Wool?
Yes merry have I,
Three Bags full,
One for my master,
One for my Dame,
One for the little Boy
That lives down the lane


The black sheep (the girl’s dad) promises goodies for the master (the boy’s dad), the dame (the boy’s mom) and the little boy who lives down the lane. (The bridegroom) Next it is time to introduce another key actor in the process: the astrologer.

Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are!
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky


The astrologer consults the stars and decides if the stars want the marriage to take place or not and on what date and time. With this done, we move to the next phase: the girl and the boy begin to interact over the phone. The girl is very curious about her future husband.

Johnny Johnny
Yes papa
Alcohol?
No papa.
Smoking?
No papa
Girlfriends?
Ha ha ha


I would like to mention here that in some of the south Indian states, young women are addressed as papa. Once this phase gets over, we approach the actual day of the marriage.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again


On the day of the wedding the bridegroom would be placed on the marriage altar in front of the fire place like Humpty Dumpty. And who said one can only fall in love? One can fall in marriage as well. Once he is into it, his whole life changes and no one can put him together again. With the marriage done, the girls’ parents sadly bid farewell to their daughter.

Little Bo-Peep has lost her sheep,
And can't tell where to find them;
Leave them alone, And they'll come home,
Wagging their tails behind them

The girls’ parents are left feeling like Little Bo-Peep having lost their daughter as the daughter heads for the honeymoon with her husband.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after.


With the budgetary constraints of a middle class family, the honeymoon can be a bit too adventurous at times and the newly married Jack and Jill may have to overcome quite some obstacles. And then tiding through various obstacles they manage to sail through one full year.

Mary had a little lamb,
little lamb, little lamb,
Mary had a little lamb,
whose fleece was white as snow.


The stork comes and delivers the little lamb to the family as love finally begins to blossom between the couple.

With such a long and elaborate pre love process, no wonder from here on love has only one direction to go: up. That is why here marriages still last a life time unlike the west, where people change spouses like shoes. With all its weaknesses and flaws, one must admit the Indian arranged marriage system has been somehow working and millions of people still find love through this system: a love that lasts a lifetime.

You can read about my bride hunt here. Some reflections after going through with the Great India Bride Hunt. Check out other humorous posts here.

Why give a damn to T20 World Cup?

So India repeats its dismal performance in world cup, eh? Players seem to care more about IPL? So what should we do? How to make players more interested in world cup than IPL? Before trying to answer that, let us consider if that is the right question to be asking. Instead let us ask why should players be more interested in Twenty Twenty World Cup. As a spectator ask yourself, which was more entertaining - IPL or twenty twenty world cup? Twenty twenty world cup is just another drab event. All of us have to support the same team. Most of us except the die hard cricket enthusiasts are uninterested in matches India does not play. Zero glamor quotient. Compare it to IPL. Even within your family, you can be supporting two different teams. You don't have natural loyalties to any particular team. So most of us end up watching all the matches. Even if our favorite team looses, we can support the next favorite team. And then we have the extra X-Factor from Bollywood. And then you the other frills such as being able to watch the matches in your own city in the stadium environment and matches screened at film halls in 3 D.

Sportsmen are but basically entertainers and they get paid for the entertainment they give. So what is wrong if they prefer to reserve their best performance for the tournament that gives better entertainment to their country men? And as far as national pride etc. goes, we have one day and test cricket for that. Why one more form of cricket for the same? I also fail to understand why cricketers are not seen as what they are - entertainers and instead given the high pedestal of national heroes.Even if India were to become no.1 in all forms of cricket, what is the great national pride in being no. 1 in a sport that most of the important countries of the world do not play. If it were soccer or tennis, which almost every important country in the world plays or Olympics, then we can talk about national pride in besting all other nations of the world in at least one sphere? But cricket ! Give me a break. Let us acknowledge cricket for what it is - just entertainment and enjoy it in the form that gives us maximum entertainment which is of course IPL and appreciate the players who gave us those few weeks of fun and escape from the rigors of day to day life instead of blaming them for their world cup performance.

If you liked this post, you can read other similar posts here.

Escape

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 10; the tenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.



1. Circus Boy

Cherian Circus had set camp at Palace grounds in Bangalore. The curious public looked on as the circus folks went about setting up their colorful tents. They were greeted by a bedlam of noises- growl of tigers, roar of lions, chattering of monkeys, trumpeting of elephants, neighing of horses and squawking of parrots.

Get going, you lazy bones. We need the tents up before it gets dark”, boomed Mr. Cherian, a large portly man in his 40s.

Ramu, get the tent pegs”, “Ramu, check if the monkeys are fine”, “Ramu, bring the vessels to the kitchen tent.” were some of the other voices that could be heard.

Ramu, a little boy of 11 with his dog ‘Lucky’ in tow was running from tent to tent cheerfully carrying out his chores.  It was late into the night and most circus folks were already asleep by the time Ramu could finally call it a day. It had been another hard but happy day. Ramu just loved the life at the circus – the diverse people, and the camaraderie between them, the animals, the glitz and the glamour during the shows. He was no longer an orphan on the streets. The circus was the best family any one could dream of. It was not long before sleep embraced him.

2. Sick Man

His chest was aching from constant coughing. He struggled to take a couple of short breaths and gave out a heart rending cough. He lay on a cot in a corner of the room, almost a skeleton but for the long strands of unkept hair and the shaggy beard on his gaunt face. A strange musty odor wafted out of the room. The windows were shut possibly to spare the neighbors the stench. The room was dreary, dark and gloomy – an ideal breeding ground for rats, cockroaches and other vermin. With painstaking effort he managed to drag himself out of the cot towards the door where the kind hearted lady next door had left a pot of porridge. He slowly filled porridge in his bowl and began his journey back. Having overcome the first hurdle of fetching the porridge, taking in ever sip was a challenge in itself. Miraculously he managed to empty the bowl over the next 3 hours. He then retired back to the corner of his cot and began to leaf through an old book with yellowed pages. His health did not permit him to get any quality sleep as such. Sitting in the corner of the cot in a half dreamy state, leafing through the book was the closest he got to tranquil sleep.

3.A visit to the circus boss' tent

Ramu opened his eyes as the first rays of the sun reached out to him through the opening in the tent. The circus camp was already a bustle of activity. The circus folk were early raisers.

The cook is looking for you. Get out of your slumber and move your ass to the kitchen. Once you are done helping the cook, papa wants to see you. Wonder what new mischief you have got into” called out Rani, Cherian’s daughter as she rushed past his tent.

He was nervous throughout the morning as he went through with the chores. At last the hour of doom arrived and he found himself in the boss’ tent.

Well, my boy, you have been with us for 3 months since my daughter picked you up from outside the camp at Chennai. How are you finding life with us so far?”  Ramu was relieved. Boss did not seem angry with him after all.

I have really enjoyed every moment here, Sir”.

Good. You have been a good boy and working quite hard. Almost everyone seems to have a good word for you. But you see we are circus folks and all circus folks are expected to be out there on the ring. So it is time we found something for you

Ramu was very excited. It was his dream also to become a performer one day.

Sir, I have been practicing this act with Lucky. If you can spare some time…

The boss cut him short. “I don’t want to hear about Lucky again, my boy. Let me tell you, audience don’t pay to see a street mongrel do its stupid tricks

But Sir, she is so smart. You should just see once

I said no once and no it is. No arguments. I know my business well.

The boss had got into a dark mood. “Now listen to what I have to say. Sarojamma, who manages the monkeys, tells me the monkeys are getting to be a handful and she can use an extra hand with the monkeys. So you go and peak to her, ok? Now scoot. I have other work to do

 Things had not turned out as good as Ramu expected. But not too bad either.  Now he had to find time amidst his daily odd jobs to practice with Saro Akka as well. But he was only too happy and it was again late by the time he found comfort in his bed. Not that it was really a great comfort for that same terrible dream was haunting him night after night that he had almost begun to dread sleep. He hoped at least today the dream wouldn't come.

4. Visit from an old college friend


There was a knock on the door. He wondered who it was. Nobody had knocked the door for the past two years now. He got himself out of bed and ambled towards the door. By the time he got to the door, he was too tired to even unbolt the door. He gave himself 3 minutes rest and then began to work on the bolt.  There stood a neatly dressed man in his early thirties.

 “Dei Machi Aunty, is this really you? You are looking totally give-up man. I did not believe even when our Junta told me. And what are you doing in a shady place like this, da?

 “Bobs! I am seeing you after such a long time. I am glad to see you. Let me welcome you into my royal palace

 “I remember the last time I visited you, Machi. Hujjar time back when we were still at IIT, at your father’s estate in Ooty. At that time I never even dreamed my next visit to you would be at an arbit place like this.

So what would you like to have – tea, coffee, cold drinks?

As he stepped inside the room, Bobs’ eyes fell upon a photo in the corner of the room.

Isn’t that Anu? Where is she these days? I thought you guys were planning to get married. She also accompanied you to US for higher studies, didn’t she? Finally she gave you the KLPD?

You must be hungry. Should I order some refreshments? Please let me know your menu preferences.

Pack this nonsense, asshole. I have had enough of your sick humor, da.  I am seeing you after such a long time and I am so disturbed to see you in this cuppaxe condition. And you! You are acting like a jerk.

So you have come to hear the riches to rags story of Ananthantharaman, son of the richest estate owner in Ooty, gold medalist at IIT, Madras, gold medalist at University of California, Berkley, promising researcher at Bell Labs, eh? I knew that’s where this was going to head. So I thought I would dispense some niceties before I begin my tale of woe. Anyways I am too tired now with all the talking. Why don’t you come over later in the evening? Meanwhile let me also catch some rest.

5. Beginning of a fresh Chapter of life

Ramu was relieved when at last it was morning again. The dream was giving him no respite. Day after day it continued. He wondered why he was always a grown up man in the dream. Was the dream some kind of a premonition? He hoped his future would not turn out to be a nightmare like that.

 Ramu had been working with Saro Akka for 3 months now.  Ramu had a natural way with animals and Saro Akka’s five monkeys Shilpa, Aishwarya, Deepika, Priyanka and Sushmita took to him from day one. He could manage them almost independently now. Ramu had come up with lot of innovative ideas for new acts and most of his ideas were turning out to be hit with the audience. Saro Akka and her monkeys were fast becoming the star attraction of the circus. However Ramu had not yet made his appearance on-stage. Every time he asked about it, Saro Akka had some ready excuse. Ramu had so looked forward to being on stage and he was slowly getting disappointed. But he did not let his disappointment dampen his enthusiasm and continued to work tirelessly. His latest idea for an act involved Lucky as well. He was making an act based on the ‘Little Red Riding Hood’ story he had heard from Rani with Priyanka as ‘Little Red Riding Hood’, Aishwarya as the grandmother, Sushmitha as the wood cutter and Lucky as the ‘Big Bad Wolf’. 

One day, when Ramu walked into Saro Akka’s tent, he found her still in bed.

Ramu, I am feeling very tired today and my whole body is paining

He quickly checked her forehead and found she was running a fever.

I will go and get the cook”, he said.

He came back with the cook who was also an expert on natural remedies and healing techniques. 

The cook examined her and said “I will give her some herbs. She needs to be given an infusion of these herbs once every 2 hours. She would need to be given warm meals at regular hours and she must not stir out of bed the next 2 days

But will I be alright in time for the show on Friday? You know I am the star attraction.”

Depends on how well you recover over the next two days

For the next 2 days Ramu dedicated himself to the care of Saro Akka. He also did not neglect his other chores and the training of the monkeys. His efforts yielded fruit and Saro Akka was perfectly all right on the day of the next show and managed another excellent performance.  The past two days’ hard work had totally tired Ramu out. He was fast asleep long before the show was over.

6. Revisiting a forgotten chapter of life

 “8 years back I had everything in the world – degrees from India’s and the world’s best institutes, an enviable family fortune, a girl friend to kill for and a job to die for.  My life had been a blessed one – right out of a fairy tale. The job went well for 2 years and then there were first signs of trouble. For the past 2 years, my superior Dough had rejected most of my ideas. I had innocently thought that they were not really good enough and continued to toil on to come up with ideas. One day, I was going through one of Dough’s latest star projects. I began to see silhouettes of my own ideas in them. I confronted Dough about that. He staunchly denied using my ideas and deplored me for the high opinion I held about myself and my ideas. From then on he took it upon himself to make my life miserable. Things soon reached such a stage that I could not take it any longer. I just had to get away. So I resigned the job and started looking for a new job. But I had not heard the last of Dough yet. Whenever I applied to any new company, Dough would always take personal interest to call them up and warn the prospective employer about my attitude problems. After 4-5 unsuccessful attempts, I decided I could take this no longer and decided to return home to India."

"Meanwhile my relationship with Anu had also begun to see strains. There was already resistance from both our parents as we were from a different caste and region. Added to that, my loss of jobs began to cause rifts between us. She felt I was not trying hard enough. But the pressure was getting to me and I had to get away. Now instead of comforting me in this hour of need, the relationship also was becoming too much of a bother. So I decided to break it off and go back home to my parents."

"Within a year of coming home, my parents passed away in an accident leaving the estate to me. I tried managing the estate. But all the unpleasantness with the worker unions, the local politicians and the wholesalers was getting to my sensitive nerves.  So I decided my father’s loyal manager was the best man to take care of such things and gave him full power of attorney. But the loyal manager was more loyal to his own sons than to his dead master’s son. So it happened within another year, the manager’s sons had a good inheritance to look forward to and I found myself on the streets. I did not have the heart or energy to go for long drawn legal battles with the usurper. I just wanted to get away."

"I packed my bags and came to Chennai. One of our old family servants still retained her loyalty to me and arranged these rooms for me. The fiend had thankfully left one bank account of mine untouched which has allowed me to sustain myself to date along with the mercies of the kind hearted old lady. But I could not reconcile my steep fall from grace and the thoughts kept coming and worrying me. I had to get away from such thoughts. So I began to drink. And for the escape it afforded, a costly price it demanded – my health. I already have enough worries in my head to further have a doctor saying worrying things. So I have not been to see a doctor. I am just hanging on and hoping somehow all my problems will get magically resolved one day. That’s my story, my friend. I rest my case and now would you please be kind enough to let me rest?

7. All is well......

Ramu was very excited. Finally his day had come. Saro Akka was going to let Ramu do the ‘Little Red Riding Hood’ act with Priyanka, Aishwarya, Sushmitha and Lucky on stage. Every since his tender care for her during her illness, she had become like a second mother to him. She had personally stitched shiny new clothes for his first stage appearance. All the circus folks had excused him from his daily chores that day so that he could prepare for his special moment. The day changed to night. The show began. It was time for Ramu’s act. Initially he was nervous standing there alone in front of the big crowd. But then the presence of his four friends comforted him and soon he was in his elements. He orchestrated his act with the finesse of a music composer, each animal faithfully playing the right tune. At the end of the act, the whole tent exploded in applause. He bowed gracefully to the audience and left the arena, his heart filled with triumph and joy. At the end of the show, the boss himself came up to him.

Well done my boy. I am proud of you. You have now really become one of us. By the way, when do you plan to show me that act you had with that dog of yours?

He had stood and fought and won. Now he could sleep peacefully.

8. ......That ends well

Bobs arrived at his friend’s place the next morning accompanied by one of the city’s leading doctors. He found the door ajar. On stepping inside, he found his friend sprawled on the cot, lifeless. He had a calm, contended, serene expression on his face. In his hand he held a book with yellowed pages. An open pen lay on the floor near his outstretched hand. Bobs slowly prised the book out of his friend’s hands. The cover of the book said “Mr. Galliano’s Circus by Enid Blyton”. He opened the first page. It said “To my dearest son Ramu on his 11th Birthday”.

Bob had seen this book before. "Isn't this the same one Aunty used to have with him in college? " He remembered how his friend would always lock himself in his room and loose himself in the world of the book whenever something went wrong and he was upset. It had always had a calming influence on him.

He flipped the pages and came to the last page where his eyes fell upon a few lines had been scrawled painstakingly very recently

In life, is there no real escape? Into dreams can one escape? Aren’t dreams just a reflection of reality? Or is reality a reflection of dreams?  How does one know which is reality, which the dream? Does it even matter if life is real? Isn’t it more important that men who live the life are real? Aren’t real men only those who stand and fight and win? Isn’t it only they who truly deserve a real escape?  For isn’t there but one real escape, the escape which everyone hopes to escape from but none ever es…………..

A note of IIT-Madras lingo and Nicknames:

In section 4 - 'Visit from a college friend'. Bobs, whose real name is not mentioned in the story  makes use of campus lingo and nickname Aunty for Anantharaman which are an integral part of IIT-M culture. Using them when meeting old batch mates is part of the nostalgic feeling. We find only Bobs using them and not Anantharaman because Aunty's current state of affairs don't indulge him the luxury of nostalgia. Please find below the brief meanings of some of the slang words for the benefit of the readers.

1.  Da/Dei - Usual suffix/Prefix to any sentence when talking to close friends or relatives of same age group
2.  Machi - An informal form of address for close friends
3.  Junta - Gang of college friends
4.  Give-up - In a bad shape
5.  Shady - Nasty
6.  Hujjar - Many
7.  Arbit - Wierd
8.  Pack - Stop
9.  Cuppaxe - Lousy
10. KLPD - To get jilted 

For people who are interested in learning more about IIT-M lingo, find below a link to a MA thesis on the topic by a German research student.

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

For whom the bell tolls

A book of faces