Friday, June 4, 2010

Hidden

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 11; the eleventh edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

The night was silent, occasionally disturbed by distant howling of wolves.  Sanket was being lulled to sleep by the low rhythmic purr of his car engine. He was enjoying the drive through the jungle. He could have taken a longer but safer route. However he enjoyed the peace and quiet of the jungle, where he could drive peacefully without being disturbed by heavy traffic. The jungle was safe as long as you did not have to stop in between. Sanket always ensured he had sufficient reserve fuel and the car had been through thorough maintenance checks before he set out on these jungle drives.

Sanket’s reverie was brought to a sudden end as the car engine sputtered and came to a halt. The night was still young and there was a still a long stretch of forest ahead. Sanket checked his mobile phone. But there was no signal. There were only 2 options: either walk to the nearest area of civilization or wait and hope someone would pass by. The first option was ruled out as he had a good 20 Km to cover either way. Definitely the jungle did not look too inviting for a mid night stroll. He did not know if it was his imagination or the howling of wolves was really beginning to get more frequent and no longer seem all that distant. Staying inside the car seemed the safest option. Or was it? He thought he had just heard the trumpeting of elephants. He did not want to be caught on the middle of the road amidst a herd of elephants on the rampage. He had heard elephants had no love for cars. As he was pondering on his next course of action, he could discern a faint image of what looked like a dwelling lodged between the trees a few paces away. As the silvery beams of the full moon fell on it, he could make out the silhouette of a log cabin. Could this be the solution to his problem?

He mustered enough courage, got out of his car and made a rush for the log cabin. He saw a knocker on the door shaped like the head of a jackal. He knocked once. No response. He knocked again. No response. He was about to knock a third time when he noticed a pair of shiny red eyes. Glaring at him. About 7-8 feet away.  Advancing closer. In a frenzy of panic, he gave the door a push. The large wooden door fell open. He was inside with the door latched securely.

It was pitch dark inside the cabin. He tried to switch on his torch. But the torch did not seem to be working. Sanket was surprised for it was a new torch and he had put fresh batteries just before the trip. But he was always prepared for such eventualities. So he always carried a candle and matches with him.  So he lit up the candle and surveyed the insides of the cabin. The room was rather large and in the middle of the room was a huge king sized cot with images of jackals carved out in the bedstead. The bed looked freshly laid out. He could hardly see any dust on the floor. The ceiling also looked rather clean with absolutely no sign of cobwebs. Was someone living here? As he explored the room further, he noticed a sturdy mahogany table at the end of the room.  He went up to the table. On the table was an ancient looking book. He went up to the table and picked up the book. It had pictures of some animals on its cover – notably a jackal, an ibis, a falcon, a ram, a bull, a cat, a crocodile and another strange animal he could not identify  .It was titled ‘The Elder Scrolls’. He gingerly picked up the book and gently flipped through the pages fearing it might fall apart. But surprisingly the book was in very good condition. Even the pages had not yellowed. The lettering was bright and clear and seemed to have an alluring charm to them. But he was beginning to feel too drowsy. So he thrust the book into his bag, lay down and dozed off.  

He was woken up with a start by the sound of scampering feet. He had forgotten to blow off the candle before going to sleep and it had smoldered away, letting darkness take over the room once again. He got up and stuck a match. He looked around. There was nothing in the room. The match went off and he struck another match. His eyes fell towards an opening on the wall in one end of the room, leading to another room, probably the kitchen. He slowly got out of the bed and walked towards the room, his mind ablaze with anticipation. As he struck his fourth match, he sensed some movement. He came to a halt. His feet seem to have frozen to the floor as he saw the shadow of a 4 legged beast on the wall of the inner room – probably a wolf or a jackal. He remembered the pair of red eyes he had encountered outside the cabin. Had it got inside somehow?

His first instinct was to break into a run and rush for the door. But his curiosity got the better of him and he edged towards the smaller room. As it became evident that the animal did not seem too keen to make the first move, he picked up courage and he entered the room.  There he came across a small figurette of a jackal mounted on a rocking base like a rocking horse. That had been causing the shadow on the wall. He breathed a sigh of relief.  Probably a mouse had upset the figurette. But then there was no sign of a mouse anywhere. In fact there was no sign of insects of any kind, which was rather surprising given that the cabin was in the middle of the jungle.

By now sleep had left him and he was wide awake. It was still pitch dark inside the cabin. He glanced at his watch. It showed 12.17 am – the time he had entered the cabin. The watch seemed to have stopped. So he decided to check his mobile phone. Again 12.17 am. He was puzzled. The clock of the mobile phone could not have stopped. As he puzzled over this strange phenomenon he began to sense he had been having a strange feeling since he had entered the cabin. He could not exactly fix what the feeling was but he could definitely sense some strangeness in his thoughts. It was as if someone was tugging at his thoughts and trying to reorient them. But he dismissed such speculations as a result of the symptoms of fear psychosis.
Since there was no way of knowing if it was day yet sitting inside the windowless cabin, he decided to open the door and check out. He slowly unlatched the door and opened the door a little. The sun sent its bright rays through the gap in the door showing it was day time. With the sun back in the sky, his fears took flight. He picked up his bag and walked up towards his car. He waited for around 2 hours before a jeep came by finally.

Ahoy there!”, he shouted.

The jeep stopped. Out stepped a man in Khaki uniform, apparently a forest official.
Car break down?”, he asked sizing the car with a piercing look.

Yes. Can you help me?

Ok. Hop on to the jeep. I shall drop you at Perangudi, where you can get hold of a mechanic.

That would great. Thanks a lot

As they drove on, Sanket got chatting with the Haneef, the forest official, who seemed to be quite a friendly chap. He had told him about his family back at Tirunelveli and how he dreamt of getting an award one day for catching the notorious gang of poachers.

By the way, Mr. Dantora, you mentioned your car broke down last night? Did you spend the whole night in the car itself?

No. I was lucky to find that ancient looking log cabin.

Log cabin? I have never seen one in this area. Maybe the poachers have set up a new camp. I must investigate.

But it did not look recent. It looked very ancient. Maybe you can come with me when I return with the mechanic and I can show it to you.

Great idea!  You can come down to the forest officers Bungalow with me for dinner after that.

It was evening by the time they returned with the mechanic. The car only had some minor problems and the mechanic fixed it in no time. So Sanket set out to show Haneef the cabin. But the cabin seemed to have disappeared into thin air. Sanket looked all around. But he could see no sign of the cabin.
Haneef shook his head knowingly “The poachers must have got wind that we are on their track. So they must have dismantled their shack.”

Sanket’s face was red. “It was a sturdy log cabin, not a poacher’s shack that can be assembled and dismantled within hours

Calm down, Mr. Dantara. Evidently whatever you saw last night is not here anymore. There must be some explanation for this. The jungle can sometimes play tricks with the mind, you know, especially in the night time. By the way, I hope you did not happen to try any unknown mushroom last night to satisfy your hunger.

Sanket could get an idea where Haneef was heading. “No, Haneef. I am certain. I was not hallucinating.

But then with no leads there was nothing to be done. So they headed to Haneef’s Bungalow for dinner. Soon Sanket was back on his way pondering over the mystery of the log cabin that seemed to have got mysteriously hidden. He wondered if he had really dreamt it all as Haneef had suggested. But he still seemed to have a tinge of the strange feeling he had experienced in the cabin. Probably it would take some time to get over the after effects of fear psychosis.

This was meant to be continued and extended into a novella. But for time being the project has been dropped. Maybe one day I will. Till then this is a stand alone short story.


The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

66 comments:

Sid said...

grrr...then the main comment is also hidden by me for you....:P

Sushobhan said...

hey that's a brilliant prologue.. waiting eagerly to know the climax... The built up of the story is superb..:)
A racy thriller..:)

The Fool said...

Lol. Hope you also unveil your comment when I unveil my story.

The Fool said...

Thanks a lot. Hope you stay on till the end. I wanted to write the whole story here. Then realized it was going to be way too long if I have to do justice to what I had in mind. So I will probably break it into 4-5 posts. Hope I sustain the motivation though.

Vikas Khair said...

LOL too you too buddy .. Long story why not collect everything and make it into a book. Good narration, and will wait for the unveiling of the entire story.

Sundeep_sp said...

prologue? haha.. you have created a big suspense with a racy narration :)...

just one doubt.. was it intentional or a typo? 12:17 'PM'? PM would mean afternoon...

The Fool said...

Thanks Sundeep. Glad it interested you. Hope I can keep it alive with the rest And thanks for pointing out typo. Corrected it.

The Fool said...

Thanks Vikas. I do dream of writing enough to publish a book some day. As of now I want to practice and gauge reader response.

Vibhuti said...

Haha..I liked the way you ended it the best..in keeping with th etopic you have kept the remaining half of the story hidden eh? Gr8 idea! You've built on th emystery very well..Especially I loved the description of the jungle at night..You also brought the interiors of the log cabin before my eyes, in candle light!
Except that i spotted minor errors here and there..like it should have been ..struck a match! isn't it?
All the best TF..
I thought ur a poet..ur a gr8 story teller too!

Sourav said...

..I wanted to read the story too! Great build up anyway and as all we know, let it be hidden. If elaborated on some points this could turn out be a great read, though I don't know how the original story is!

All the best for BAT!
Hidden...in love with me and life! :)

phoenixritu said...

:D Now of course, I am going to blog roll you - I need to know what happens next

magiceye said...

wonderful! exciting! very well written!

The Fool said...

Thanks, magiceye.

The Fool said...

Thanks Sourav. I have an overall plot in mind. But it was too complex to write in one post. So I had decided to just create the initial mystery and then based on interest develop the rest of the story.

The Fool said...

Thanks phoenix. Hope you blogroll me. The rest of the story will come in 3-4 installments. I know what each section is about and the ending. Need to still work on the finer details.

The Fool said...

Thank for your compliments, Vibuthi. This is the first time I am trying a descriptive fiction of which your a master. So I value the compliment from you. Thanks for pointing out minor errors. Let me have a look and see if I can get rid of the minor errors.

Leo said...

haha..! yeah. will certainly keep a watch out TF. nicely narrated and mysterious.. wonder where the cabin got to...

thanks for the participation to my suggestion! :) twas nicely rendered.

Pooja Menon said...

Hey no ya! I wanted to know what happened! :P Anyway well written. The flow was amazing. All the best :)

Raksha Raman said...

Hello!

If the prologue itself if so interesting, I presume the story will only get better and better! :) Curious to know what happens next...you've used the topic very well to heighten the curiosity of the readers! Good job! All the best with BATOM! Cheers! :)

The Fool said...

Thanks Pooja. I will soon come out with what happened next. If I had posted everything here, it would have looked like a long post and you might have even skipped reading it.

The Fool said...

Thanks Raksha. I am glad you liked it. I hope I can maintain the same momentum in the actual story as well.

The Fool said...

Thanks Leo. You did suggest a topic with lot of scope.

dhiman said...

That was some suspense and liked the ending in line with theme

The Fool said...

Thanks, Dhiman. Are you not participating this blog-a-ton? Not seen your entry yet.

Mehak said...

this was full of suspense!! and the punch line in the end just made me so eager to continue reading... excellent story really!

The Fool said...

Thanks a lot, mehak. Glad you enjoyed it.

Someone Is Special said...

The Fool,

HIDDEN, Waiting for the rest of the story.

gmsaravana-hidden

Yours Frendly,
Saravana Kumar M

Gyanban said...

Hey Triber - this is a good story indeed.the right balance between suspense and narration.I have a special liking for long posts and you have done full justice. good stuff.

Rumya said...

Interesting!! Maintained my interest all through!! Love the whole 'mysterious log cabin in the middle of nowhere' setup!! Will be back for Part 2 and more!! I'm sure it'll be as captivating as the prologue... :)

The Fool said...

Thanks saravanakumar.

The Fool said...

Thanks fellow Triber. i am glad you liked the story so far.

The Fool said...

Thanks Rumya. I guess I have generated sufficient interest to motivate me to continue with the story. Might take some pointers from your story as well.

adreamygal said...

Quite gripping ..makes me ask for more :) I wonder if the epilogue kept me so hooked , what will the next part do ;)Wonderfully written ..All the best for BATOM:)

Scribbling Gal said...

wow what a story
u left me asking for more truly.
Will surely return to know more.
Truly gripping story loved it to no end

The Fool said...

Thanks scribbling gal.

The Fool said...

Thanks for your encouraging comments, a dreamygal.

gkam said...

Extremely well written. The intricate details and the flow, marvellous. I actually wanted to go on reading :)

ATB for BATOM

The Fool said...

Thanks a lot gkam. I am glad you wanted to keep reading. Hopefully I will write more.

Binzy said...

My curiousity is already on razor's edge. Waiting to know the mystery of hidden log cabin. Awesome narration.

Deeps said...

That was so chillingly gripping! Cant wait to read the hidden story.

Brilliant post!

Rajlakshmi said...

wow what a gripping narration... but how can you do this... keeping the readers in suspense for so long...
gosh i am waiting ... please post it soon :)

Amity said...

You ended on a curious note...I will wait and see what's really the hidden surprise...:)

Loved the story anyways!

The Fool said...

Thanks Binzy. Glad you liked the narration.

The Fool said...

Thanks for the comments, Deeps.

The Fool said...

Thanks Rajalakshmi. I had to do it as it would not have been fun making it too short and people in Blog-a-ton might not have read something too long in one go.

The Fool said...

Thanks Amity. Definitely the surprise will be out by next Blog-a-ton. Hopefully I can get the concluding piece to align with next Blog-a-ton title.

dvirada said...

Your narration skills are awesome.It is so profound that I have a vivid visualization of the entire jungle and the cabin in my mind. But for a few typos ,its completely a riveting write-up which keeps the reader thoroughly engrossed and anticipative about the esoteric cabin.

I am sure this time, everyone is waiting 'with eager feet' to read the rest of the story:-):D

The Fool said...

Thanks dvirada. Are there still typo? Thought I had removed them.

Aphron said...

It was brilliant! I could not believe that you were not going to end the story. I am eagerly waiting for the next part.

Megha said...

that was wonderful...i cant stop thinking, what can it be ? Wolverine ?

All the best for BATOM

Karthik said...

Lovvved the narration, man. Very descriptive indeed, and that's what I like the most in a story. (depends on the writer of course :D) The gravity you've created is splendid really. Whatever that has happened in the story till now is very less, but the way you've narrated it is brilliant. I could easily step into the protagonist's shoes.
And I would've read it in one go if you'd just posted the whole story, man.
Either ways, waiting for the next part. :)

The Fool said...

Thanks Aphron. Always glad of comments from a regular. Ever since I have become a full time contest blogger, my regulars seem to have disappeared.

The Fool said...

Thanks Megha. I would be continuing the story. Though I know what was inside, never too late to improvise. Wolverine or still better a werewolf seems an interesting idea.

The Fool said...

Thanks Karthik. I value your appreciation especially on descriptions as your a descriptions man yourself. Missed your story this Blog-a-ton.

I always have the conflict between plot and descriptions. In my earlier stories, I had to go lean on descriptions to fit the whole plot within readable length. Here I thought let me not constraint myself and just write a piece of the story with all descriptions. Lot of Blog-a-ton writers write pieces like this for Blog-a-ton and leave it at that. I wanted to see if people like and if so go on developing the story.

aativas said...

This is an engaging story.. disappointing to know at the end that the main course is hidden :-)

Sureindran R. said...

Looks like you did it again, congrats! superb narration!

Sureindran R.
www.sureindran.blogspot.com

The Fool said...

Thanks aativas. shall write that also soon. difficult to write story with good plot and with engaging details and still stay within 1500-2000 words.

The Fool said...

thanks for your comments, sureindran. glad you liked it. Your not participating in blog-a-ton this time. Was hoping to catch some more of Malaysia's rich heritage.

Nethra said...

That was a nice story. Waiting for the next part.

Murali said...

Excellent piece! a good piece always needs all the words it can get, don't worry about the size, you atleast have one reader here who is going to read it fully :D

On anothre note, just a suggestion....... I believe you should have ended this post at "I was not hallucinating", it sure would have left a lingering effect upon us readers

Deeps said...

Nice story!! Can't wait to read what happens next!!

Thank u for the comment on my space!! love ur blog!! On my way to following you!!

Gyanban said...

that was a story. I really think it was
so if I were you, I d take it....
Cheers
GB

The Fool said...

Thanks Deeps. Shall be working on that after the BPL round. Though I had an initial idea, I have a couple of new ideas and still pondering. And thanks for following me.

The Fool said...

Thanks Murali. Glad you would be reading the rest too. Your right. I need not have explicitly mentioned I am going to continue with the story and instead left it lingering at halucinating leaving reader to draw his own conclusion. Always a dilemma between letting reader reach his own conclusion and describing everything.

The Fool said...

Thanks. Was actually inspired by your stories to write such a piece. However you usually leave yours hanging. I am hoping to continue with it after the contest.

Vipul Grover said...

Tht sounds intrsting.. luking fwd 2 continue with this story and its prequel once i am done reading all blogaton entries :)

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