Great Indian Bride Hunt

In the late 80s, before the advent of cable TV, when the 9.00 o’clock serials on Doordarshan used to capture the attention of the Indian middle class, there was one of these serials called Mr. Yogi. It was a comic-tragic series where Yogesh Ishwarlal Patel, an NRI (Non Resident Indian) returns to Bombay looking for a bride. As a school boy, having a good laugh at the expense of Mr. Yogi, being in a similar situation 20 years down the line was the last thing on my mind. But then isn't that what life is all about? A series of unfortunate events occurring when you least expect them to. I actually fail to remember if Mr. Yogi ultimately found a suitable bride. I wonder whatever happened to Mr.Yogi, if the same fate awaits me. But then who cares? Isn't the journey more important than the destination? Without much more ado let me get into the story of 'Travails of the great Indian Bride search’ or ‘The Seven damsel damnation’.

In our families, typically, 25-27 is considered an ideal age for marriage. A strategic onsite trip to Germany for a year, a year of preparation for MBA entrance and 2 years of MBA helped me postpone the inevitable. But at 29, parents had reached the limits of patience and the bride hunt begins. As soon as I returned home from my convocation, the first girl was already ready. The girl’s mom had already sent the photos and her e-mail id and the stage was set for me. I mailed her and started chatting with her on G-Talk. The talk was going on and on. ‘How are you?’, ‘How was the weekend?’, ‘Did you watch IPL?’ and then more challenging questions ‘Do you like your mom or dad?’, ‘Tell me 3 things your friends dislike about you’, ‘What is the weirdest thing you have done?’ I thought probably the girl was also following adaptive testing methodologies like GRE where questions kept getting tougher as you keep answering them right. So I was sure I was proceeding along the right track.

I have always been a believer in continuous feedback mechanism, So I thought mid way I would summarize our discussion and give her my assessment of her behavioral competencies based on the discussion so far and also get her feedback about my progress so far. I tried my best to employ motivation theories in appraising her. But somehow the whole idea of appraisal seemed to upset her. So we dropped the idea and chatted for a couple of times and then for 10 days I don’t hear from her. Then this mail
How are you? I hope everything is fine. I wanted to let you know that I am not very comfortable taking this forward. I know we haven’t spoken much. But I feel we do not have similar ways of thinking or doing stuff. I think we also communicate differently. By this time, I must have felt a bonding of friendship at least. I am still not getting that. I do not think it is worth spending time on this when one of us do not feel comfortable. Anyways. all the best!! I am sure you will find someone who is more compatible to you. Cheers!! Have fun!!

So I decided to take her advice and have fun that day by planning a trip to a nearby Jungle Lodge with a couple of classmates. It s not everyone who gets to interact with girls who talks through her nose and picks up things with her feet and walks using her hands. Isn't that what she meant by doing things differently and communicating differently?

Let s move on to episode 2. This girl had written lot of interesting stuff in her profile something about woods and trees and something like that which I found quite interesting. She was a journalist and done lot of other courses as well including a foreign MBA. Her father also seemed to be quite wealthy and well educated. Seemed like the family would provide the ideal life for me. After all who has not dreamed of a wealthy and well connected father in law at least some point in life?

There was a rapid exchange of mails one after the other almost on a daily basis for a month. Then came phone calls. And then the fateful day where a meeting was scheduled. Things had progressed too fast. I was wondering whether I had hit my head against something or what. She was coming down to my city and we had scheduled a meeting that evening at the lounge of a 5-star hotel she was staying at with her dad. I left office early, went home, took a bath and put on freshly ironed clothes and even combed my hair, which speaks volumes of the regard I had for this girl (and of course her family fortune!). I caught an auto and reached there taking a brief detour to get some biscuits for her. By the way I forgot to mention. She was supposedly a self proclaimed half-wit. I hope that’s the right term for people who make lot of witty comments? I used to laugh a lot at her ‘witty’ comments as it is quite easy to laugh in mail. How difficult is it to type ‘Ha ha ha. That was funny’? But it was going to be a different ball game when in person. I wondered whether I should take a flask of nitrous oxide with me to enable the laughing process. But with all the recent bombings, police seemed to be on an alert. So decided not to risk it .

There was this girl in some kind of fancy clothing (I can’t recollect exactly what it was except that it was something fancy as she mentioned about it) with her dear old daddy waiting there at the lounge. He spoke with me briefly and left, leaving me alone with the young lady at the snack lounge. I gave her the biscuits and then rolled up sleeve and geared myself for a good tuck in. But unfortunately the girl had other plans. She just ordered some soup and Russian salad and in order to maintain my dignity I also had to make do with the same. So it was going to be all talk and no food. Maybe more food would have relaxed the atmosphere and lead to a more positive outcome.

So we began talking. I started off about books and places I have visited. An interesting conversation seemed to be evolving despite the lack of food. But she soon cut it short and said “let’s get to business”. “As you wish, milady”. She said she wanted to finish her studies which might involve a bit of travel every month. Fair enough. Wanted to visit her parents now and then. Again fair enough. Have her friends for an evening over now and then. That was also fine as long as I was not the curio on display for the evening. Then she asked me what my expectation was. I told her about my views regarding the need for thrift. She said she also fully agreed and hardly spent anything except for those ‘small’ monthly expenses on those 3-4 little gold trinkets, fancy shoes and few of those designer wear. Other than it was just the regular expenses such as the car, the chauffer and the daily meal at the nearby 5 star restaurant. I asked her if she could give me an estimate of her total month expenses. She said “Well it must be around some 5000 Rs.” I did not tell her the chauffer alone would draw a salary of not less than Rs. 6000. Probably daddy darling was paying all the bills and dear husband would pay up after marriage so that our little Miss Mary Antoinette could continue to live in the world where 5000 Rs can buy you heaven on earth.

Then she moved on to other things. As we were talking she asked suddenly “So how would you express romance? Would you kiss my hand or something” I thought “Tell you what. Get a dog. He will not only kiss your hand, but lick it as well

But said nothing. She also kept asking me what I thought about her looks and clothing. I said her eyes, ears, nose and mouth were in their proper places and as far as her clothing was concerned, it covered most of what needed to be covered. She did not look too satisfied. Then she pressed me to tell her what kind of girls I found attractive. I said physical beauty did not matter much with me but if I were asked what kind of feminine features I found aesthetically appealing, I would go for sharp features. Incidentally her features were rounded. So she started off “So you don’t find me beautiful

I tried to tell her looks did not matter. I was not buying a art piece for my showcase. But she would not listen. Then she began to go on and on about how she is not getting the romantic feeling with me and stuff like that. I could see where she was coming from. Earlier during our conversation, when I was mentioning about my alignment with Mahatma Gandhi on carnality in marital relations, I had noticed her mouth had begun to blob in and out like a gold fish. There itself I had begun to sense it was not going to work. It was confirmed when she responded to my remark “True love has its basis in sacrifice” with “But that’s platonic love”.

So I just held fort till her dad came and made a quick exit promising to meet her again to explore how I could ‘express romance’. Next day morning, I wrote to her saying the best way for her to find romance is to find another man. I am finally inclined to agree with the anonymous wise man from the past who had said “Don’t marry for money. You can borrow it cheaper

No communication from her after that though I offered to maintain friendship with her even if I did not marry her. Wonder why she even disconnects my phone calls .It’s difficult to understand these women.

That covers 2 episodes of my search for a bride. I think I am mentally exhausted after writing such a long piece. No energy to proceed with the other 5. But I guess these 2 give a flavor. Maybe sometime later I may venture to write about those as well, Or maybe not. Even Mr. Yogi has begun to get boring after a while. So I guess same for my blog as well. And I am sure the number if going to be much more than 7. Probably after a while it would become more like a déjà vu. Even now I am getting the feeling at times. I wonder how things shape up. If anyone has seen Mr. Yogi and remember how it ended, you can put it on the comments in my blog.

Next Post  :  The Great Indian Bride Hunt: Reloaded

76 comments:

smiley said...

Ha ha ha. That was funny :P

zorba said...

really funny and well worded.

enjoyed this post to fullest ,wish u great writing ahead

Kishore G said...

Nice blog...

Am yet to encounter any..atleast i will be free for another 2 years :-)

Amit said...

hey disco try to take some flowers n a shiny box of chocolates...
biscuits don't work :P

Sumit Kumar said...

post other encounters also;
best of luck;

i will use some of ur experiences.

Apurv said...

Hahaha... beautifully written! :D

Rohit Awasthi said...

Nice one! For once I feel so relieved that I have been thru the process and am happily married :D. The process of finding a bride is painful, but thats what you get when you have been hopeless enough not to get a girlfriend!

The Fool said...

@ smiley - Paying me back in my own coin, eh?

@zorba,kishore,apurv, rohit - Thanks for the appreciation

@kishore g - Your lucky. Do MBA after 2 years

@rohit - Tried getting a girl friend too. Proved equally futile. Shall write about that too sometime.

@amit - Shall try it next time.

@sumit - Shall post after I reach the number 12 like Mr. Yogi

Pallavi said...

Hahahaha..like u said,its easier to type dat than to really mean it..but I'm actually laughing ;)

Silent Screamer said...

hehe..funny blog.I enjoyed reading it.
and yeah!Iam laughin too!;)

smiley said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
smiley said...

@ d fool, yup..man! u hav "praised"
d women so much in dis post dat i couldnt help it.. had to pay u back in ur own coin... :splat: :P.. juz kidding..
seriously speaking, yeah d post was really interesting :)i particularly liked d bit where u hav discussed abt luks being unimportant and abt love having its basis in sacrifice:):thumbsup:
though i feel dat at some point in ur post, u hav gone to d extent of generalising things...remember, all women r not just d same :biggrin:
and all d best for ur "bride hunt"
may god bless u ;)

The Fool said...

@ pallavi, silent screamer, smiley -Thanks for your appreciation. At last I have managed a post on my blog that is receiving comments.

Vishnu said...

Great post, I read the sequel before the original, but it didn't take away anything from the original. I agree with Amit though, biscuits, dogs, not the best recipe for a romantic night. Anyways, wish you the very best in your search.

Melona's take !! said...

dei disco, bayama irukkudaa..ippadilaam post pannadha da....i can see my future :P

absolutely fun .. enjoyed da..keep writing :)

The Fool said...

Thanks Vishnu, Melona.

karanatiiit said...

That was awesome. Very well written. Cheers!

The Fool said...

Thanks, Karan

RZD said...

rotfl :- )
Biscuits...hmmm, what were you thinking! anyway, try roses next time...pink or white, not any other color!

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

ROFL!! That was a good read. all the best and keep these accounts coming- thanks for lightening up what seems like such an arduous process sometimes. :)

Sindhu said...

That was HILARIOUS. I loved reading it. :)

P.S - I feel your pain. I was set-up on a rather uncomfortable 'date' (in the process of all this matchmaking). It was an amusing episode. He was a really nice guy, but I definitely scared him away with my sarcastic remarks, my curious questions, my blatant honesty, and my straightforward-ness. He would be better off with one of those girls you mentioned in here, if I were to do some matchmaking myself!

Rambler said...

Nice post..one small piece of advice (whether you want it or not :-)) , please try to break up in paras and put more spaces. I sometimes lost track of the line I was reading :-)

curdriceaurora said...

funny post :).

would have liked to see it more than one paragraph. it got difficult to read halfway through.

Cris said...

Hilarious! Absolutely loved it! Thanks! Could you try splitting the post into paragraphs? That would make it a lot more easier to read.

KeepingItSimple said...

"Whatever happens to you, has happened to someone you know earlier."

Great Writeup dude. Keep it up. Can understand your turmoil. Hopefully you are getting married soon. My Best Wishes and Prayers.

"No one gets anything Before Appropriate Time and More than Destined" (B.G.)

The Fool said...

@cudriceaurora, rambler - Thanks a lot for your feedback. I have tried to improve the formatting in the sequels. Hope they read better. I felt sentimental about the initial post as it got me lot of hits. So wanted to retain it in its original form

The Fool said...

@the_girl_from_ipanema - Thanks a lot. What a name you have got! Got me curious enough to check out your blog and find out your not from Brazil.

@rzd - Will take your advice nect time, dude.

@ cris - Thanks once again.

@Keeping it simple - Thanks. Lets see how things shape up.

The Fool said...

@sindhu - Thanks. Good I was not your 'uncomfortable' date or you might have ended up the heroine of my next sequel. Send me his contact. I will forward it to the girls.

year of poems said...

man, didn't know you guys go through so much pain! :)

On behalf of all the good girls out there, sorry man, real sorry. We feel your pain.

:)

Cheerios.

Dhyanesh said...

and as i always say, dissco rocks...

David said...

you are a half-wit i must say. Be patient, lightening would eventually strike. till then keep it coming Yogi 2.0 haha !!

The Fool said...

@ year of poems - Its ok. IT was not that bad either.

@dhyanesh - lol

@david - lol. Again my own words used against me, eh? I hope you mean I am really witty.

prince001 said...

Mr. Yogi doesn't find a bride. BTW, the actor who played him Mohan Gokhale is no more.

pinksocks said...

Excellent Read....
Bravo!!

DELTA 1 said...

word perfect!!!
and witty yet honest :)

The Fool said...

@prince001- Thanks. At last got my answer. Wonder if thats the fate that awaits me. Yeah. I know of the actor's demise. Poor chap. Such a good actor he was.

@pinksocks, delta1 - Thanks a lot

Naimesh said...

ha...ha...ha.. amazingly worded ...

LOL @ it's like GRE... questions get tougher as you answer correctly :P

Tejas said...

very well penned.

I wonder if MBA course is designed for guys to hold back 'the inevitable'?? :P

actually Im too young to remember Mr Yogi as a serial up to the extend of the story and plot of the serial.but still enjoyed ur blog's link with that.

very well written..all credits..keep writing..cheers..

Shrikara K said...

Nice post re..keep it up!

The Fool said...

@Tejas, Naimesh, Shrikara - Thanks for your encouraging comments

Divya Dixit said...

really really funny.. liked it!

hey btw...The girls also go through something similar... this is inspriring enuf for me to write a blog as well... ;-)

Karthik said...

"Get a dog. It will not only kiss you but lick you too!" Lol.. :D
Hilarious, dude. There were some other one-liners too that had me in splits.
"Small" monthly expenses on 3-4 gold trinkets!" Lovely!
It's certainly difficult to understand women. Should we just settle for Oscar Wilde's words: "Women are meant to be loved; not to be understood." I think so. But the problem arises when we start loving every girl. Women are too bloody confusing, I say. ;)
It's a great start to the series. Will go through the rest soon. Cheerios! :)

The Fool said...

Thanks karthik. Agree with you. Women are difficult to understand.

Sindhu said...

That was HILARIOUS. I loved reading it. :)

P.S - I feel your pain. I was set-up on a rather uncomfortable 'date' (in the process of all this matchmaking). It was an amusing episode. He was a really nice guy, but I definitely scared him away with my sarcastic remarks, my curious questions, my blatant honesty, and my straightforward-ness. He would be better off with one of those girls you mentioned in here, if I were to do some matchmaking myself!

Sairam said...

Very good. Very Funny, Very long:)

If you trim the dull parts,you will go places.
Great reading.

MBAtious_person said...

Well written boss :) I really enjoyed reading it

The Fool said...

Thanks, MBAtious_person

megharana said...

:) wonderful writeup!!

The Fool said...

Thanks Megha.

shibani said...

Truly hilarious. I enjoyed reading it. You got a really good flare for writing with a dash of humour. Good work!

The Fool said...

Thanks, Shibani. Do check out my other writings as well.

shibani said...

Yea, I m going through your blog. ( And PS: I made a typo error in the previous comment- flair) :P, and I am not sure how to correct it now

factsandnonsense said...

almost forgot about that serial. btw it was one heck of a post. please post the other 3 episodes if u haven't already.

The Fool said...

Thanks a lot, Debajyothi. The other posts are also there on my blog. You can juts go to Experiences Tab and find all of them.

The Fool said...

Typos are no issue, Shibani.

deVa said...

Hilarious Mr. TF. You are spontaneous and naive :)
Did you finally succeed on your bride hunt by the way?
Keep writing. You are good. :)

The Fool said...

Thanks DeVa. Of course. Its been a long time.

Gayathri said...

TF!!! I have become your BIG fan.. I might keep a hoarding for you when you come to Chennai...! :D I just kept laughing and laughing throughout the blog.. and seriously?? that girl asked you about kissing the first time she saw you! OMG! Girls these days are so ..... BAD! or should I say desperate! :/

The Fool said...

Thanks, Gayathri. Everyone find this girl the funniest. Hope she never reads it. Do read about the rest of the girls.

Shashiprakash Saini said...

Hilarious
enjoyed every word of it

facing same kind of situation
one of the reason i am doing MBA
is to avoid Bride Hunt

par
ye bakra kab tak khair manayega
aaj nahi toh kal bakri-eid ayegi
ye bakra bhi kat jayega

The Fool said...

Thanks Shashi. Maybe you can also share your experiences through your Hindi poetry.

Shesha Chaturvedi said...

nicely put on! Going through something similar... Finding a partner is hell of a job!! lol! Enjoying the read... off to the next part! :D

The Fool said...

Thanks Shesha. This is a very old series but has always been an all time hit. Best of luck with your groom hunt.

Shesha Chaturvedi said...

Thankyou TF :)

indu chhibber said...

I have entered the show very late & am too exhausted to read further today....i hope it all got resolved beautifully!

The Fool said...

I hope you will read and find out, Indu.

Shail Mohan said...

I am reading this a second time and smiling. If I am not mistaken, you had posted this at Indimag too?

The Fool said...

It is the same one. You have good memory.

Anurag said...

After reading the post, I don't want to think about my life after 10 years. Love marriage seems easier now. :D

The Fool said...

Ha Ha. India won't change so fast. Be assured.

Rachna said...

This was such a funny post! Each one of us has such experiences. But really it is nice to hear what goes on in a man's mind in such situations :). So, did you start blogging with this one? I started blogging in the same year but in July. Hey and Mr. Yogi was that thin guy with light eyes, wasn't he?

Deepa said...

OMG that was so hilarious! My introduction into the matrimonial sites had happened around the same time that I met my husband (then colleague) at work! So no, I have not gone through any such episodes. But I know of some other friends (co-incidentally both boys) who have gone through such episodes. But I am grateful to these women for having provided you with so much inspiration that you started blogging! Stuff where you say Adaptive methodology like GRE, nitrous oxide, How difficult is it to type ‘Ha ha ha. That was funny’? etc are so funny and make your post stand-out so much, it's tough to forget these :D And bless you for having the ability to laugh at your own experiences. It's probably not so funny when you're going through those experiences, but even I remember laughing at some experiences much later! So much easier :D

Deepa said...

OMG That was so hilarious! My introduction to the matrimonial sites happened around the same time that I met my husband (then my colleague) at work, so I have not gone through any such episodes. But I have heard some crazy episodes from 2 other friends, co-incidentally both males! Hmm ... Bless you for having the ability to laugh at your experiences :D Not everyone does that well, even if it's years later! I am sure the experiences, while happening, could be laced with tense moments too - but years later, it's fun to have a laugh out of those! My Murphy tales are something like those too! :)

The Fool said...

Thanks Deepa. These were not written years later. They were written when the experiences were still oven fresh.

The Fool said...

Thanks Rachna. Yes - Mohan Gokahle - he expired few years back.

Saru Singhal said...

I so want to be this No. 2. Wow! She literally lived like a princess and what a hilarious count and 5 more to go, boy! you had an adventurous bride hunt.

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